This morning I awoke around 4:30 with a feeling of dissatisfaction with my life and a need to run to the bathroom. I have two theories about why each has happened. The dissatisfaction is clearly a symptom of depression. I am unsure what caused the depression, but it may be the fact that I have been off of work for a week or the fact that I’ve been finishing off all of the wheat products in my apartment in preparation for actually following a diet next month. I think that the same could have caused my need to run to the bathroom this morning or the new thyroid pills. I HAVE been experiencing this a lot lately, which may be a combination of the pills and me eating gluten. That seems to be when I have problems.
As far a my dissatisfaction with life goes, I felt like everything I was doing in life was meaningless. Thinking about my daily activities, I wondered what the point of my life was. I spend my time trying to keep myself clean, keep my apartment clean, and try and just treat water with my finances. I’m in my mid-30s. What have I actually done with my life?
The rest of my day back to work was okay. I bought the school lunch because I hadn’t packed anything. My back started to hurt near the end of my workday. By the time I got home, it was so bad, I had to take a shower-bath instead of a shower. It hurt too much to stand for too long. I was REALLY tired and had contemplated a nap as soon as I got home, but told myself I would be better off if I just got all of my things done now. As a result, very little got done. I did my best, but I really ended up wasting a lot of time on the internet. I was looking at land that I could purchase so I could have a house, grow my own food, etc. I also want to have goats. I don’t have any money, so I suppose it was a bit of a moot point. I also was looking at ways to grow your own food in a tiny space (like my current apartment). I bought an e-book about growing a lot of food in a 4’x4′ space. I skimmed through it, but it really didn’t seem to be worth the money I paid for it. I’ll read it in more detail later, I guess.
I even procrastinated going to bed, so I won’t even get a full night’s sleep.
De-cluttering and cleaning: I did both. I completely scrubbed and cleaned the bathroom floor. It looks so pretty now! I really only have to clean the toilet tomorrow and then all I will need to focus on is maintenance cleaning! I am almost done with my first room when it comes to de-cluttering things in plain sight. I guess it’s pretty obvious that de-cluttering is more my issue than cleaning.
Hygiene: I showered and brushed my teeth today.
Mood and temperament: My temperament was good, but my mood was bad. I was often tired and often depressed.