February 17, 2015

I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I have the week off of work due to Presidents Day.  I got up early for a chiropractor appointment and my car wouldn’t start.  It wasn’t the first time.  I tried jump starting it and it wouldn’t work again. I got really depressed.  It was an easy fix.  I needed a battery pack to jump it so I could go and purchase a new battery.  I think it was because I felt all alone with nobody to help me.  I knew both Bryan and my step-dad had the necessary equipment.  But Bryan was an hour away and my step-dad lives two hours away.  I hated feeling so alone and friend-less.   I called up Bryan and asked him if he would be in this area any time in the next few days. I felt bad having to call him, especially considering he had just told me he was behind on getting stuff done.He was down here around 14:00.  He helped me get it started, then we went to the auto parts store for a new battery terminal and a new battery.  I guess the bad terminal was why my car wasn’t charging.  I was very surprised to see that the last battery was the original one that came with my car.  My car is 9 years old with 230,000 miles on it.  Go Nissan!

It took me quite a while to pull myself out of the mild depression I was in.  A few hours with Bryan fixed it.  I hate that I wrote that statement.  Yes, it’s nice that he can cheer me up, but I’m still afraid that I’m using him to find happiness. Bryan stayed for a while afterwards. He was complaining to me that he had to leave for work tomorrow  before the daycare place opens.  I told him that in six months, I’d be happy to help with that scenario, since I don’t work this week.  I really didn’t mean to push things.  I really didn’t.  But he invited me to spend the night on his couch tomorrow night and meet his kids.  I had just finished convincing myself it was a good thing I wasn’t meeting them yet.  And now I’ll be meeting them tomorrow.  I don’t mind helping him out one bit, especially since he drove all the way here to help me.  However, I’m concerned about two things.  The first was that after saying I wasn’t going to meet his kids for six months, he changed his mind. The second is now I’m nervous about meeting them and kind of worried that they’re not going to like me.  I keep trying to tell myself he was in a very difficult situation and that’s why he changed his mind.  I also keep telling myself that I work with kids on a daily basis and kids usually love me.  That doesn’t stop me from being nervous on both counts.

While we were spending time together, Bryan told me he thinks he loves me and that he had been holding back from saying anything.  Wow.  I think I wrote that same exact thing a few days ago myself!  As always, I enjoyed the time I spent with him.  He left around 19:00 and I fell asleep maybe an hour later.


De-cluttering and cleaning: I did both today!

Hygiene: I showered, but fell asleep before I could brush my teeth.

Mood and temperament: My mood shifted a lot from depressed to very happy. My temperament was good.


3 thoughts on “February 17, 2015

  1. Even though you had a mild depression spell, I’m glad yesterday was a little bit better for you, girl. And don’t worry about bugging your loved ones. Most of them will do anything you ask happily just because they love you.
    I hope the rest of your days for this week turn out to be sort of like yesterday/better.
    Be safe.

      • I know. It really doesn’t. I’ve had depression since junior high, and I’m a junior in high school now. Some days are alright, some days are horrible. The unpredictability of whether or not it’s safe to smile is the worst.
        For instance, last Sunday, I promised myself this would be a good week. However, every day so far I’ve felt like absolute crap. My head hurts, I’m nauseated, and I’ve got almost none of my work done. I wish it was the weekend already.
        But knowing that you aren’t doing so hot, I thought I’d wish you luck on experiencing better days since that’s what I wish someone would do for me, you know?

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