February 16, 2015

I woke up at 4am and meditated for some minutes (I have no idea how many) before I went back to sleep.  I spent most of the day with Bryan since I had the day off.  It was a very good day.  We spent most of it in his bedroom doing the usually things we do when we’re together like kissing, cuddling, etc.  The time when he was supposed to pick his kids up came too quickly.  I greatly enjoyed my time with him, as always.  I’m really getting very attached to him.  The word “love” has entered my mind a lot in relation to him.  I haven’t told him, of course.  I’m waiting for him to say it to me.  I don’t want to scare him with my level of regard for him if he’s not there yet himself.

When I got home we got in our first “argument”.  He said he couldn’t come and see me on Wednesday and I said it was just as well.  He said that was good for him too because he had stuff to do.  I continued my thought by stating it was just as well because I was having a lot of dental work done that day and I probably would be fit to see.  But the damage was done and felt kind of hurt by the fact that he wanted to get things done rather than spend time with me.  I told him it hurt my feelings.  He tried to qualify it, but it came out even worse.  He said the stupid stuff he needs to do is more important than me because he does it for his kids.  Yes, I understand intellectually that his kids are important.  But I really only got to the part where he said that stupid stuff was more important than me when my emotions started to take over.  I need to do a better job of separating myself from him or breaking the addiction cycle or whatever it is.  He apologized for his language stating that he’s tired.  I apologized and stated that it probably bothered me more than usual because I was tired.  I suppose it’s not bad for a first “argument”, but am concerned that our first “argument” has come so early in the relationship.  It doesn’t bode well for the rest of it.

—————————————————————————————

De-cluttering and cleaning: I didn’t do either.  I spent most of the day with Bryan and the rest of it extremely tired and sleepy.

Hygiene: I didn’t brush my teeth or shower.

Mood and temperament: I started out the day content and slowly sunk into the kind of numbness that comes with being tired, excepting the aforementioned “argument”.

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