February 14, 2015

Bryan stayed until 3pm or so.  He had to pick up his kids.  We spent the entire morning kissing, snuggling, touching, and having sex with each other.  I have never been with someone I just couldn’t stop wanting to touch, kiss, etc.  He left very reluctantly.

When he was gone, I felt lost.  I didn’t want to do anything.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I scrolled through my news feed on Facebook enough to see repeated statuses.  There was a list in the back of my mind that needed to get done, but that could always be put off for later.  I am worried that I’m starting an addiction cycle with Bryan.  I enjoyed myself with him so much, it’s like a junkie getting a fix.  Then at some point, something will change and I’ll live in fear of him withdrawing his affections.  I need to stop the cycle now that I see it’s starting, but I don’t really know how.  I can think of two options.  The first is going out and doing something unrelated to him.  The second is staying in and getting done the stuff I was supposed to do.  I need to do laundry and pay bills, plus actually follow through with the hygiene and keeping my place neat and clean.  I’m too tired now, though.  I’m going to call it an early night and go to bed.

—————————————————————————–

De-cluttering and cleaning:  I  didn’t do anything.

Hygiene: I showered, but that’s only because Bryan and I showered together.  I did not brush my teeth.

Mood and temperament: My mood and temperament were great when Bryan was here, but a little dejected and tired after he left.

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