February 6, 2015

I dreamed about my ex-husband again. I dreamed we had to spend time together doing something for some reason. I tried to make polite conversation asking him how he was, where he met his girlfriend, etc. He was himself. That is to say he was uncommunicative, secretive, emotionally unavailable, and he lied. There was more to my dream, but that’s all I remember.

For over a year after we had split up, my ex-husband and I were on friendly terms. We saw each other occasionally at gatherings where we had mutual friends. We chatted sporadically online. Only now, he has stopped talking to me. He had posted something on facebook that any friend would be concerned about. I asked him if he was okay and he never answered me. That was over a month ago. He is all of the things described above. He also has some good points, but it’s usually difficult for me to remember what they are.

I woke up this morning at 3:00. I got up to use the bathroom, but my back hurt so badly that I could barely walk. I took two naproxin and iced it. Still no relief. Then I spent a half hour rocking back and forth, using tiny motions at first. Eventually, I felt two times where my spine moved into place. Then I sneezed. When I sneezed, my back spasmed. It hurt so bad, I cried. I then spent the next half hour stretching.

I finally got out of bed around 6:00. It took me an extremely long time to do anything. I found myself recollecting the Spoon Theory. A woman with lupus used this simple theory to explain to her healthy friends how she often has to make some choices every day that other people might not understand. This morning my back was so bad, it took a long time to do anything. I chose to get dressed, scoop the cat litter, and packed to go visit Bryan. Those were the only things I was able to accomplish in an hour.

My back pain calmed down over the course of the day. I was significantly better when I got to Bryan’s house. Because I had been awake for so long, I fell asleep around 20:30 watching a movie with him.
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De-cluttering and cleaning: I did not de-clutter or clean today, but I was not at home long enough to do so.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth, but I showered yesterday meaning I did not need to.

Mood and temperament: I was tired, but wasn’t necessarily down. I actually also had parts of the day where I felt up. When I was spending time with Bryan and before that when working on things for the musical production I felt happier.

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February 5, 2015

Work seemed to last forever today. I don’t know if it was because it was snowing out or something else, but most of my classes were poorly behaved. By the time it was over, I was drained. Then I had musical rehearsal to lead. The rehearsal went really well and we got a lot accomplished. I left feeling elated, yet also tired and weary. I think emotionally, I was happy, but physically I was tired and drained.

When I got home, I had a few things I had to do. I decided to start with the one that took the most time, laundry. Only I could barely lift the laundry bag. My back wouldn’t allow me to do it. The laundry bag was no fuller or heavier than usual. Even so, for some reason I barely took two steps with it before I had to set it down again. Well, I still have some clothes left and some crappier pairs of underwear, so I will have to put it off until Sunday when I will be home again. I just hope my back is up for it by then!

I was so tired that I went to bed at 7:30 after getting nothing accomplished. I will pack for my weekend at Bryan’s house in the morning.
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De-cluttering and cleaning: I did not de-clutter or clean today.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth, but I showered today.

Mood and temperament: I was tired, but wasn’t necessarily down. Thankfully, my temperament was good, despite the fact that I was tired all day. When I am tired is usually when I have issues with my temperament.