February 4, 2015

I don’t understand why I’m remembering so many dreams all of a sudden. The one I had last night was really realistic, too. I dreamed that I was playing the piano in a bit of shallow water and the audience was in the water as well. Then we were attacked. There were a plethora of dead bodies everywhere and the water was starting to turn red with their blood. I had discovered that when push comes to shove, I really am a coward because I hid behind the piano. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay behind it forever, so eventually, I lay down in the water and hoped I fit in with the dead bodies. Most of the soldiers had moved on by now, but one of them still noticed me. His aim was poor, though. The bullet he sent in my direction skimmed the front of my shirt. Then he sent a few arrows my way. They both skimmed my body as well. When the last one would have hit, I made sure to make my body jump, as if I had been hit by it. Then I allowed my body to float away. I floated further out and was overtaken by a very strong current. I vaguely remembered seeing various islands as I floated quickly along. Then I had vague recollections of waking up various times in a hospital bed. Eventually, I awoke for the final time. Something felt weird. It was like I had extra weight in between my legs. I now had a penis. I tried to go home, but didn’t know where home was. I went to a few places that had been home in the past. My sorority house, a cabin in the woods that I shared with some other people. I walked in on a party at one of the locations. I saw Sam who I had a crush on, but had never tried to get together with because he’s 11 years younger than me. His eyes, that were so blue you could drown in them, locked on mine. He even seemed happy to see me. But all I could feel was a swelling in my pants and I got embarrassed. The thought occurred to me that I may not be with a guy ever again. Who wants a freak with both a penis AND boobs!? I walked away from Sam. Then I ran into my sister. I took her aside and told her the whole story and showed her my penis. She seemed aghast. I walked away and pondered what I was going to do with my life now. My wallet, all forms of ID, my cell phone, and even my keys were washed away when I floated away from the battle. I stood at a parapet looking over a pretty expanse of country and contemplated my future. I felt oddly serene because I was free to do and be whatever I wanted to be.

The rest of my day was pretty average. Nothing really stands out in my memory about work today.

Today I saw an endocrinologist for my hypothyroidism. We talked a lot about medication first. I had been on Armor Thyroid (which is made up of ground pig thyroid) for a year or so. She explained to me that it contains T3 and T4. She stated that the known causes of hypothyroidism all affect the body’s ability to produce T4. She also stated that there was no known ailment that effects T3. She didn’t deny the possibility though. She told me that my free T4 was low and that my T3 was high. That confused me because I thought a sign of hypothyroidism was HIGH T4. If mine was low, I should be losing weight like crazy. Unless there is a difference between T4 and free T4. She also asked me if I was planning to become pregnant ant time soon. I explained that I would like to have kids, but my life situation is just not there yet. She said that about a year before I do, I should switch from Armor Thyroid back to Synthroid (the generic version is levothyroxin). Because the Synthroid is synthetic, it is able to more reliably deliver the same amount of T4 to my thyroid every time. I’m guessing that the Armor Thyroid is less reliable because it’s natural and that thyroid levels might vary from pig to pig. Synthroid does not contain T3. She also told me that thyroid levels during pregnancy are also linked to IQ in the baby. If there are lower thyroid levels in the mother, there is a lower IQ in the child. I asked her to switch me to Synthroid. She gave me a two weeks free sample and asked me to return in two months.

When I got home, I got a lot done. I de-cluttered for 15 more minutes, making a significant dent in a pile of papers. I also spent 15 minutes scrubbing the living room floor. I was almost finished when the timer went off, but decided to save the rest for tomorrow.

De-cluttering and cleaning: I de-cluttered and cleaned for 15 minutes each.

Hygiene: I did not brush my teeth or shower today.

Mood and temperament: I felt pretty neutral today. My temperament was good.


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