January 18, 2015

Bryan and I woke up in each others arms.  We had sex, breakfast, a good make-out session, and then he had to go home.

The rest of my day didn’t turn out so well.  I was supposed to meet someone to go hiking and she never showed up. I waited for an hour and then gave up.  I got home, went on facebook, only to see everyone I worked with this summer celebrating one of their birthdays.  I was the only one left out.  I was upset about it.  I thought we were friends and got along.  I guess I was wrong.  It hurt.

The day went from bad to worse when I received an e-mail from Bryan who told me that he overemphasized his desire to have more kids. He said he wanted to be honest with me because he thought we had really made a connection.  I was disappointed.  I was really starting to like him.  I suppose it was just a matter of time because I hadn’t told him about my depression issues yet.  I had been planning on telling him soon, but hadn’t gotten to it yet.

I just need keep telling myself that he just wasn’t the one.  I’m not going to lie.  I’m really sick of telling myself that.  Maybe there is no one.  Maybe there’s something wrong with me.  Maybe the Gods are trying to tell me that I’m not meant to have kids.  I don’t know.  All I know is that I’m sick of doing this.  I guess I’ll go back on the dating site.  There were other guys who were interested.  It just seemed like I had less in common with them.

I felt bad, but it seems like I always confide in the same friends when I have relationship issues.  I kinda feel bad, but they’re still there for me if I need them and I appreciate that.

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Hygiene – I did not shower or brush my teeth today.

Mood and temperament – My mood was pretty bad.  I was unkind to my cat who kept howling and waking us up.  Other than that, I was kind to the few people I saw today.

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