This morning things took a turn for the interesting. When I first moved in, I realized that I needed a chair for my computer desk and my sewing table. I have been working on paying off my debts and a lot of other expenses kept coming up, so I never ended up buying two chairs. I looked at local thrift stores and secondhand shops, but I couldn’t find any that would fit in my tiny apartment or weren’t too expensive for me. This morning, I was walking down the several flights of stairs so I could leave my building when I saw two chairs of the perfect size with a sign on them “free chairs”. My faith in karma, the universe, God, whatever really grew at that point. I felt like they were “meant for me”. I felt like there was a plan in life. I felt like there was a reason all of the bad shit in my life had happened. I started to feel infinitely better about everything.
I started to clean up my kitchen. The kitchen was the worst room of my house. The fact that I hadn’t been eating may have also had something to do with the fact that I didn’t have any clean dishes or utensils. Or that I couldn’t walk in there without stepping on cat food that the cats had knocked out of their bowl and had been scattered around the floor due to a lot of foot traffic. I did some of the dishes and straightened up the kitchen.
I met my friend who was in my area that day for lunch. While we were there, I got a ticket for an expired inspection on my car. Oddly, that didn’t shake my mood. Instead, I felt pity for the woman giving the tickets because she basically deals out misery for a living. I said something, but I must have worded it wrong because she said she enjoyed what she does. Anyway, my friend and I hung out for a while. I will just mention that i have a number of male friends (of many ages). Unless I mention anything, I really have no romantic interest in any of these friends. We talked for a long time and then realized that I was running late for dinner at my mom’s house. We weren’t running THAT late. We had lunch, talked for a few hours, and I needed two hours to drive to my mom’s house.
On my way to my mom’s house I got a flat tire. Even THAT didn’t shake my mood. I felt grateful that I hadn’t gotten around to paying my rent yet, so I would have been able to pay for the tire. That would result in a late-fee for the rent, but it was better than not being able to drive. I got the doughnut on my car and continued on my way. I had to change my plans and stayed over my mom’s house so I could find a place to buy a tire the next day.
I wasn’t sure what happening, but I thought it was really odd that these things didn’t phase me. It wasn’t the apathy of depression, but a different kind. Normally I would have broken down and cried about my financial situation and how I had to choose between tires and rent. Instead, I tried to choose the logical choice and moved on. I feel good, but it’s a calm sort of good. More contentment than giddy excitement. I also have been trying not to think about my ex. When I do, it’s often to debate if I would actually take him back if he decided he DID want to get back together with me. I’m glad I’m healing quickly and hope it continues.
Hygiene – Bad. I didn’t shower or brush my teeth.
Mood and temperament – Good. I managed to keep a good outlook and attitude despite many things that would typically be considered drawbacks.