January 10, 2015

This morning things took a turn for the interesting.  When I first moved in, I realized that I needed a chair for my computer desk and my sewing table.  I have been working on paying off my debts and a lot of other expenses kept coming up, so I never ended up buying two chairs.  I looked at local thrift stores and secondhand shops, but I couldn’t find any that would fit in my tiny apartment or weren’t too expensive for me.  This morning, I was walking down the several flights of stairs so I could leave my building when I saw two chairs of the perfect size with a sign on them “free chairs”.  My faith in karma, the universe, God, whatever really grew at that point.  I felt like they were “meant for me”.  I felt like there was a plan in life.  I felt like there was a reason all of the bad shit in my life had happened.  I started to feel infinitely better about everything.

I started to clean up my kitchen.  The kitchen was the worst room of my house.  The fact that I hadn’t been eating may have also had something to do with the fact that I didn’t have any clean dishes or utensils.  Or that I couldn’t walk in there without stepping on cat food that the cats had knocked out of their bowl and had been scattered around the floor due to a lot of foot traffic.  I did some of the dishes and straightened up the kitchen.

I met my friend who was in my area that day for lunch.  While we were there, I got a ticket for an expired inspection on my car.  Oddly, that didn’t shake my mood.  Instead, I felt pity for the woman giving the tickets because she basically deals out misery for a living.  I said something, but I must have worded it wrong because she said she enjoyed what she does.  Anyway, my friend and I hung out for a while. I will just mention that i have a number of male friends (of many ages).  Unless I mention anything, I really have no romantic interest in any of these friends.  We talked for a long time and then realized that I was running late for dinner at my mom’s house.  We weren’t running THAT late.  We had lunch, talked for a few hours, and I needed two hours to drive to my mom’s house.

On my way to my mom’s house I got a flat tire.  Even THAT didn’t shake my mood.  I felt grateful that I hadn’t gotten around to paying my rent yet, so I would have been able to pay for the tire. That would result in a late-fee for the rent, but it was better than not being able to drive.  I got the doughnut on my car and continued on my way.  I had to change my plans and stayed over my mom’s house so I could find a place to buy a tire the next day.

I wasn’t sure what happening, but I thought it was really odd that these things didn’t phase me.  It wasn’t the apathy of depression, but a different kind.  Normally I would have broken down and cried about my financial situation and how I had to choose between tires and rent. Instead, I tried to choose the logical choice and moved on.  I feel good, but it’s a calm sort of good.  More contentment than giddy excitement.  I also have been trying not to think about my ex.  When I do, it’s often to debate if I would actually take him back if he decided he DID want to get back together with me.  I’m glad I’m healing quickly and hope it continues.

——————————————————————————————————————

Hygiene – Bad.  I didn’t shower or brush my teeth.

Mood and temperament – Good.  I managed to keep a good outlook and attitude despite many things that would typically be considered drawbacks.

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